Watson vs Holmes
by katkin
Summary: "John?" "Hmm?" "Who would win in a fight to the death?" "Humans vs. robots?" "No, I mean Sherlock vs. John. In a fight, who would win?" There can only be one winner...


A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I'm just a little tired of writing angst. It may be OOC but I had fun writing it and I hope you have fun reading it. Please let me know if you do :-)

* * *

Sherlock was shaking. If he had been rational enough to think about it, then he would have realised that six cups of coffee that morning had probably been too many. On top of which, he'd just dusted off a particularly gruelling case, which gave him a buzz that caffeine simply couldn't match.

The consulting detective moved quickly around his flat, discovering cold, discarded mugs in a variety of places, and slipping on a (thankfully empty) cereal bowl. He chuckled to himself, as he gained his balance.

"Um...what are you doing?" John Watson spoke up, a still island in Sherlock's manic frenzy. Sherlock moved passed John's armchair, his hands full of crockery.

"I'm tidying."

"Are you ok?" John asked in concern. Sherlock didn't reply, but dumped the dishes into the sink in satisfaction.

He then lowered himself down into his own armchair and stared intently at his snoozing friend. Big mistake, Sherlock thought after a while. He could feel himself beginning to crash as the coffee and adrenaline wore off. Sherlock took in John's features. The pair had been out all night, and John clearly needed a rest. But Sherlock was bored. He tapped his foot in agitation.

"John?"

"Hmm?" came the reply. John's eyes remained closed, but he raised his eyebrows in question.

"Who would win in a fight to the death?"

John's eyes snapped open. He frowned at Sherlock, as the wiry man leant forward expectantly in his chair.

"Humans versus robots?"

"No," Sherlock scoffed. "I mean Sherlock versus John. In a fight...who would win?"

John paused and thought on this for a moment. He knew that he would win, obviously, but it didn't hurt to humour the sociopath once in a while. Sherlock mistook John's silence for confusion and began to elaborate.

"Say that we were comic heroes–"

"As in Spiderman? Or as in funny?"

A pause.

"Both."

"Go on, I'm listening..."

"Well, who would win the duel?"

"Why are we duelling in the first place?"

Sherlock threw himself back in the chair in irritation, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"It's hypothetical, John!"

"Obviously!"

The pair sat there in silence, musing the prospect. Suddenly, John leapt from his seat and crossed the floor to the desk. He switched his laptop on, and it hummed to life.

"No, John, don't..."

"_You_ asked the question, Sherlock. And as far as I'm concerned there's only one way to find out."

Sherlock pouted in irritation. His concern was unjustified. He knew that he would win, obviously, but it didn't hurt to humour the doddery doctor once in a while.

"If you must..."

* * *

The Personal Blog of

Dr. John H. Watson

21st October

10:13am

Watson vs. Holmes.

Ok everybody, once you read what I'm about to say then it won't come as a surprise that we've been awake for over 48 hours and that one of us has had far too much coffee (no surprises who!) but we've come to a dilemma which requires your assistance.

Sherlock, in his excitement of tidying the flat, began to wonder who would win in a duel to the death; him or me? Of course, I already know the answer to this, but we are really interested in the public opinion. So for the sake of being unbiased, I hand the predicament over to you...

**37 Comments**

* * *

Sherlock Holmes 10:15 am  
Correction, you are interested in the public opinion. I really couldn't care less.

John Watson 10:16 am  
I stand corrected.

Harry Watson 10:30 am  
So, what are your super powers then? I mean, what can you do that's so impressive? I need to know if I'm going to give an educated answer.

John Watson 10:35 am  
It's hypothetical, Harriet.

Harry Watson 10:36 am  
Obviously!

Molly Hooper 10:42 am  
Sherlock. (Sorry John!)

Sally Donovan 10:57 am  
This is stupid. But I'd have to say John. You could break him like a twig. In fact, why not slog it out between the two of you...just to prove I'm right?

Sherlock Holmes 11:00 am  
First time for everything, Sally.

Sally Donovan 11:07 am  
_This comment has been removed by the administrator._

John Watson 11:13 am  
Behave yourself, Sergeant.

Greg Lestrade 11:20 am  
I'm voting John. That guy can pack a punch...or so I've been told...

John Watson 11:31 am  
HA! Thanks Greg. I don't know where you might have heard that from ;-)

Sherlock Holmes 11:45 am  
That's loyalty for you. I'll remember that.

Greg Lestrade 11:47 am  
Answer your phone!

Sherlock Holmes 11:59 am  
Can't. Busy. Duelling.

theimprobableone 12:04 pm  
Clearly, Sherlock Holmes is the most cunning, and therefore able adversary. I imagine he could squash you like bug, Doctor Watson.

John Watson 12:12 pm  
O...k.

John Watson 12:30 pm  
I'd like to point out that I'm winning. Sherlock is sulking somewhere.

Sherlock Holmes 12:31 pm  
I'm not sulking, I'm doing the washing up.

Martha Hudson 12:40 pm  
Lies! I'm impartial in all of this. I really don't mind which of you wins, as long as one of you pays the rent. Hint hint!

Sherlock Holmes 12:45 pm  
John! That's reason we're duelling.

John Watson 12:46 pm  
Goodo.

MH 12:50 pm  
It's clear that John would be the survivor. He has far more physical experience. Of course, I'm pleased to note that this is purely hypothetical. Besides, John is stockier.

John Watson 12:59 pm  
Mycroft, are you saying I'm fat?

Sherlock Holmes 13:03 pm  
People in glass houses, Mycroft...

Mike Stamford 13:17 pm  
Wow, you two must be bored. Tricky decision. I think I need more information. What's the outcome of an arm wrestle?

John Watson 13:22 pm  
I shall tell you momentarily...

John Watson 13:48 pm  
I WON!

Sherlock Holmes 13:56 pm  
Graciously, it would seem!

Bill Murray 14:13 pm  
I don't know Sherlock, but I've seen John Watson do things with a gun that would scare the shit out of you.

John Watson 14:20 pm  
Yeah...I don't do that anymore... Besides, I thought the safety was on!

Sherlock Holmes 14:37 pm  
Clearly this isn't an accurate response. If I'd posted it on my website, the outcome would have been very different. Anyway, I'm bored now. John, put the kettle on.

John Watson 14:44 pm  
Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes, does whatever Sherlock Holmes does. Can he make a cup of tea? No he can't, he's Sherlock Holmes. Look out! Here comes Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes 14:45 pm  
John has just sung this at me. I don't quite understand what's wrong with him.

Harry Watson 14:50 pm  
LOL!

John Watson 15:37 pm  
Ok, this has run its course. I think we can safely say that I was the winner! :-D Anyway, thanks for your help. We're off for a Chinese now. (Sherlock's paying!) I think he's a little afraid of me, and rightfully so.

Sherlock Holmes 15:40 pm  
I am _not_ afraid.

The End.


End file.
